Dealing With an Addiction to Porn
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03/09/2009
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Porn is a struggle for every guy. I don't care who you are-if you're a walking, breathing male, you've dealt with it sometime in your life, probably recently. If it's so common, why are so many Christians afraid to talk about it, especially in ministry? Maybe because our wives don't understand it. Maybe because we're too ashamed. Maybe because we're afraid of what others will think. Men, we must talk about it. It's a normal struggle. You're not weird.
I'm no exception to the struggle. Like you, I've had my ups and downs. I've felt the twisted feelings of guilt, the emasculating thoughts of, "Why am I not man enough to beat this? No matter how hard I try, I fail." And that's exactly the problem-you aren't man enough; you cannot try hard enough. The Lord wants you to realize two things that are hard for guys to admit: You need the Lord in every area of life, and you need other trusted men in your life. You cannot do it alone.
Here are three steps every guy needs to take:
1. Talk about it openly with a godly man you trust. Just admitting the struggle and talking about it out loud is huge and is absolutely necessary.
2. Establish several layers of accountability. Install software like Covenant Eyes on every computer you have access to. Have regular check-up conversations with your accountability partners. Know your high-risk times and stay away from an Internet connection during that period (i.e. when stress is high at the church, late at night when you're tired and everyone else is in bed, and so on).
3. Make your relationship with the Lord the number-one priority in your life. Make your relationship with your wife the number-two priority in your life. If you're single, dig into God's Word more intensely than you ever have before.
Sometimes an addiction of this nature requires professional Christian counseling. Even as a youth worker that everyone looks up to, there's no shame in seeking help. None whatsoever. You'd advise anyone else to do it, so suck up your pride and talk to someone. Today.
Tim Schmoyer is the author of the youth ministry blog, Life In Student Ministry—timschmoyer.com—where he runs a youth ministry mentorship program, produces free training videos every week, and more. He currently serves as a youth pastor in Minnesota.
Conversation
Thank you all for sharing.
Thank you all for sharing. My addiction started rather innocently in Jr. High. Although I hated it, I couldn't stop. It wasn't until I got to college that I finally "defeated" it. I'm so grateful to the Lord for His saving grace! However, as Amanda said, in my weakest moments too, when my spiritual gas tank is nearing empty, that curiosity creeps back. Fortunately, knowing where that curiosity will take me, I've been able to stay away. When I am in my weaker moments, and that temptation comes back, I flee to the Lord and pray not only for myself, but for all the youth workers that are struggling with the temptation. That has been very helpful to me. Let us all commit to praying for one another, that we would be quick to cry out in our time of need (Psalm 71), that God would give us the strength to stand (Eph 6:13) and to take that way of escape that He provides (1 Cor. 10:13), and that He would swiftly destroy our enemy (Psalm 68:1-2).
I agree that this addiction
I agree that this addiction needs to be talked about. It needs to be hauled out from the shadows and dealt with. But it is not exclusive to the male gender. I believe that more wives than you may know have had the same struggle, but for those women, it's even more taboo to confess and reveal than for a man. For whatever reason, in this day in age, it's "something every guy deals with." But what about those women, even girls, who struggle with a porn addiction, but since "not every girl deals with it" she feels alienated and like she has to keep it a secret? I was one of those women. For YEARS I participated, seated next to satan, in online surfing and downloading. I spent almost every late night/early morning getting my fix. I DID feel like I was the only woman, and I DID feel jumpy about it every time. It TOOK JESUS to get it the heck out of my life!! But it was not easy! I remember gathering up all my "junk" I had accumulated on a Thursday night, and walking it down the driveway to the garbage can and dumping it in. It was hard! I still liked it, and wanted it, but I HAD to obey Christ! HE gave me the strength to do it, and continues to give me the strength to say "NO." That was about 4 years ago, and in all honesty I am not perfect, and have found that curiousity creeping back in at my weakest moments, but with God's strength, certainly not my own, I have managed to stand back up when I have fallen.
One last note: I never shared my story with anyone until about a year ago. I held it to myself,until I realized that perhaps I could help other girls/women if I shared my story. You know what? It truly helped me too! I felt a burden lifted when I had my sisters in Christ encouraging me, and not condemning me. Needless to say, I am a huge supporter of exposing porn and Satan's tactics in using it! Thanks Tim for doing it as well!
I have heard that the eye is
I have heard that the eye is the portal to the soul. I agree that probably every man has struggled with pornography. Pornography is just like every other sinful device, it entagles you like a bug caught in a spider web. The more you struggle the more you get caught. Addiction to pornography is not just something you can quit and walk away from. There has to be safeguards that help you stay out of harms way. In this day and time, the internet is the mainline source of computer entertainment. Teens are on the internet hours on end. There is myspace and online games that keep them hooked. There are so many free sites that offer sneak peaks and even videos to view.
I too had a problem with pornography at one time. Like I said, it is not something you can drop in an instant. It takes some divine intervention as well as some help from yourself. Like anything addiciton or problem, you have to make your mind up that it is going to stop here and now. These three steps are very helpful and well spoken. We must have a battle buddy of sorts that will help us wage war on the enemy. If we try and stand alone we will surely fail time and time again. Therefore, call on God as well as friend to help you in your times of weakness. Do whatever it takes to eliminate the source of temptation, so that you can be free!