The Bomb Drops: Your Spouse Wants You to Quit

You've served in ministry for years. Maybe your spouse ‘married’ into your ministry. Maybe your eternal love has been by your side through thick and thin. Regardless, the bomb has just been dropped: “I want you to leave ministry.” Uh oh. Now what?!

You know you’ve been called to this, but the one God has called you to share your life with wants to go in a new direction. Shrapnel is about to fly. Have your protective gear on!

1. Assess, with your spouse, the reasons why. It could be a new season of life. New babies in the house. Old babies leaving the house. Aging parents needing support. It may just be the season of life would suggest exercising your role in ministry in a new way….paring back on hours, transitioning into a less demanding role, or seeking a church with different expectations.

2. Examine the spiritual influences. How has God been confirming with your spouse this might be a time to exit ministry? Possibly God has spoken truth to your partner before you have clearly heard from him. Hey, if he can talk through a donkey, your spouse is surely a few steps up in the prayer chain!

3. Look at your heart. Have you used ministry as your harlot? Is your spouse feeling defeated, deflated, or dejected? Have you given just cause for that feeling? Are you investing more of your heart at home than at church? Your family deserves that. Make it happen–or get out. It’s not fair to your family or the church. Spouses sense a divided heart and the call to leave may be nothing more than a cry for your full attention.

4. Help your spouse find their fit. Sometimes the dissatisfaction with ministry is just an unhappiness with a spouse’s personal place of service. Help them exercise their gifts and influence in a realm where they experience success.

5. Most of the time (at least in my experience), spouses are just road weary from the demands of ministry: Lack of money; lack of appreciation; lack of their own personal call to ministry; abundance of criticism; abundance of work to do; stagnant support. Fight that tool of the Enemy by investing in the spiritual walk and focus of your spouse. Share equally with them the joys of ministry, not just the trials. Spend time investing in community with people who can help share your spouse’s burdens.

Now what if it’s not that stuff? What if they really just want to walk away? Your first call is to your family….and not just so you can keep on being a pastor. God has called you to meet the emotional, physical, and spiritual needs of your household before you touch another soul. Dig deep–how do you do that best?

It might be time to leave ministry for a season and re-evaluate your ministry, your family, and your calling.

But, wait, isn’t your first responsibility to God? Of course it is–the best way for you to exercise that responsibility is to meet the needs of your family, paramount to all others. Because at the end of the day, if you aren’t pastoring them, you’re merely a pastor of illusion.

Darren is a veteran youth pastor in Corpus Christi, TX, and co-hosts a weekly podcast for parents of teenagers (http://www.facebook.com/mipodcast) with his wife, Katie.