how to have difficult conversations with parents (part 3)

No one wants to have a tough conversation, especially with a parent. If you have to have one, here are a few more do’s/don’ts to help you have a successful outcome.

DO REMEMBER YOU BOTH HAVE A COMMON GOAL
Youth workers and parents are on the same “team” working for the same prize: we want what is best for the teenager. Remembering this truth will help you prepare with wisdom. Framing the conversation toward this common ground will help keep the important thing at the forefront of the conversation. It’s not about winning an argument, it’s about helping the student, family, and/or ministry. A parent will lower his or her defensives and be more open-minded when he/she senses that you are seeking what’s best for their son/daughter.

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DON’T CAVE IN
It’s safe to assume that the majority of our readers are younger than the parents in their ministry. (If not, WAY TO GO! We need old people (like me/Doug) in youth ministry.) The younger person is typically at a disadvantage during a confrontation. Ever present is the looming threat of, “you just don’t understanding cause you are young.” We played that card yesterday, and sometimes it is valid.

If the conversation takes a turn for the worst (and many will), stick to your point. We are assuming this conversation needs to happen for the good of the ministry… regardless of your age. You are under control, communicating clearly, and have a humble heart. The strength of your conviction can result in life change. If you drop a (valid) criticism and then back away needlessly, it’s likely that nothing will change.

You don’t want to have a closed mind so be sure to listen intently to what the parent has to say. A empathetic understanding will nurture a stronger compassion for their situation. A two-way dialog will enable you to work together on possible solutions.

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Grab a sneak peak of the brand new Simply Youth Ministry Tools website.
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DON’T THINK YOU’LL BE ABLE TO FIX EVERYTHING
You are not responsible for the universe. You aren’t even responsible for the people in your life. You are responsible for yourself. You can’t make another person do the right thing. Only God can do this and he’s left the important decisions in our hands. You will limit your anxiety if you can focus on your part, let go of their part, and trust God for his part. This week, we’ve tried to highlight a few basic personal responsibilities:

DON’T LET THE DIFFICULT CONVERSATION BE YOUR FIRST CONVERSATION
DO BE SELF CONTROLLED
DON’T BE CONFUSING
DO KEEP A HUMBLE HEART
DO REMEMBER YOU ARE BOTH HAVE A COMMON GOAL
DON’T CAVE IN
DON’T THING YOU’LL BE ABLE TO FIX EVERYTHING