The Cost of Affirmation (part 3)

We are looking at the cost of affirmation this week. First we looked at the cost of ZERO affirmation. Yesterday we explored the cost of AUTHENTIC affirmation. Today we’ll unearth the dark cost of FAKE affirmation.

We’ve all been there, for whatever reason, but we’ve said the easy thing to make some else feel good:

“You did an amazing job!”

“That’s a great idea, go for it.”

“I love the way you and the elders cut my budget”

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Fake affirmation short-circuits the cost of authentic affirmation. Fake affirmation either isn’t true or we offer it because it pushes our agenda forward. It’s easy to use fake affirmation for our own benefit--people who feel good about themselves are more apt to follow our wishes.

There are two kinds of fake affirmers: the schemers and the opportunist. The schemer takes time to consider how people might be manipulated, and opportunist has a “talent” for fake affirming on the fly. Either way, both think more about their projects than people. When this happens, fake affirmation carries the same cost as zero affirmation, and the selfishness yields a shriveled heart.

Fake affirmation will work for a time (maybe even a long time), but there is still a real cost attached when this leader is found out.

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Once discovered, the fake affirmer sacrifices the trust of those following. The waters become muddied and true affirmation become almost impossible. When the unmasked, fake affirmer encourages, the receiver thinks, “I wonder if he/she really means it. What strings might be attached?”

AUTHENTIC AFFIRMATION is a tough skill to develop, and its one that necessary to develop as we work with people and lead others. It’s difficult, but the cost is worth it.