transitions: when is it time to leave? (part 2)

Hi! Every since I have read your articles I have been compelled to keep moving forward in the direction I have been directed to go. I have been trying to have a re lationship with my Pastor but to me she has a double standard that I disagree with. She would tell a member that she has a heart of opening her doors to people then when she has the member to herself she tell her she need to clear her house out and my family was the first to go nowhere to go but we made thru the Grace of God.

In response to the person who is thinking about leaving their job after 4 years, our situations are very similar. My question to you is "How is your relationship with your pastor?" Has they been supportive of you during all these problems? For me, I have found it difficult to follow my pastor because lately he has stopped supporting me and blames me for incidents. We have no relationship or communication. I do not even consider him my "pastor", but my work colleague. For me, I know that I do not have his support, so there is no way I can succeed at my job, so I must move on. I hope that was helpful!

These articles came at a time RIGHT AFTER I've had conversations/meetings with both of my pastors that left me telling myself "ok, it's time to go". Literally, after I hung up the phone with my asst pastor, I went back to my phone & saw this email....definitely confirmation! I've been leading the youth & children's ministry at my church for 2 1/2 yrs, and though I still have the passion to reach America's youth, I've completely lost all joy, excitement & zeal to serve at my current church. The church doesn't have the resources to pay me...so I'm working full time and doing ministry full time...and it's taken it's toll (although there are other factors that play a part in the decision). I believe the "discontentment" is the one that spoke to me. To make it worse, the vision God has given me for youth ministry I believe is bigger than my current church can handle (or even have the resources to handle). On top of that, before I even tell anyone that I'm moving on, I'm already hearing "you can't give up now...God doesn't change His mind when He gives you an assignment...don't be disobedient to God". Ministry leaders need to start being more Kingdom-minded rather than "church growth" minded. So I'm currently seeking an opportunity in full time youth ministry with another ministry. Please keep me in prayer!

Hi,

I admire you for speaking up about a sensitive and difficult issue like moving on. This newsletter was once again confirmation for me to move on...thank you.
For the past few months I've been struggling with this...should I stay or should I go.
I prayed and stressed and cried...my conclusion: Check your motivation for leaving. Dig deep into your heart, into that place where you would not really admit anyone but you...and sometimes God...look there and see if you're leaving because of selfishness or because you stand up for things you believe in. It is a difficult decision, I felt bad, because I thought that I'm dropping these kids, but in the end it is not about us. Remember that we sow the seed, God is the One who will let it grow....trust Him, He cares for us and for them. I decided to go, and I feel joy again, I feel like I can be the woman God created me to be....I am no longer a robot/slave. If you cannot be the person God created you to be, then you're in the wrong place.
:-)

Steven: great feedback!

We didn't cover "God is calling you to leave" .... And should have mentioned: "sometimes everything is great and God simply calls you to move on" ... This is actually where I wanted to end up with the discontent part....

The discontent point should have been a little more clear, in my mind, this isn't a sin situation that requires confession... We sense God's calling cause we are no longer at peace (and have discontent) with our current situation .... Anyhow thanks for speaking up, thanks for what you said, and how you said it...with such a great spirit of encouragement.

Blessings to you!

Hey Anonymous,

Do you mean that members of your church are trying to get the entire staff fired or that the entire church staff is trying to get you fired? I'm think you mean that the whole staff is being criticized and attacked, so if I'm wrong about this advise may not apply. From my point of view, youth pastor to youth pastor, I think you need to pray, take your concerns to your senior pastor and elders, and do your best to focus on Christ and your ministry with students and families. If the entire staff is being attacked, then this is a clear church discipline issue and it needs to be addressed by the church leadership; it's not something you can or should address yourself.

Also I once received a good piece of advice about dealing with people who are overly critical - apologize to them in person with others around and ask them to forgive you. Even if you didn't do anything wrong, what does it hurt to listen to the criticism and then apologize? Some of what they have to say may actually be true and may help you to be better youth pastor. And doing it publicly demonstrates to others that you're humble. Just listen, say you're sorry, and ask for forgiveness. Be the imitator of Christ that we're called to be.

I'm going to pray for you and your church right now!

Hi Guys,

I usually like what you write and I can't disagree with anything you mentioned in part 1 or part 2 of this series, but I feel you've really left this issue incomplete. Are there no good reasons to transition out of your current ministry? At the root of every reason you provided is sin, but this isn't always the case.

What about being called to a new ministry? Examples abound in Scripture of a leader being called from one ministry site to another and for no other reason than God's call on the life of that leader. For example, Paul was called to the church in Antioch for just one year (Acts 11:26). We all know stability is best for the churches and families youth pastors serve and the notorious rate of turnover in the youth ministry is nothing to be proud of, but there are times when God will tell a leader, "I'm done with you here." If this happens, pray, seek the counsel of trusted others and see if they confirm what you're hearing from God, and then listen and wait humbly for God to make a new path clear.

How about unrealistic expectations? I'm sure you've seen the job descriptions that read "Needed: Youth Pastor/ Worship Leader/ VBS Coordinator/ Grounds Keeper/ Parking Lot Attendant/ Whatever else we can think of." Being versatile and willing to serve is one thing, but sometimes expectations are so unrealistic that you're doing everything but the ministry you were called to do - if so, it may be time to move on.

How about criticism? I'm not talking about the kind of criticism meant to help you learn and improve in ministry; I'm talking about unending, vague, and knit picky criticism. Sometimes you find yourself in a critical culture or under the authority of overly critical leader. Honestly, some people pursue criticism like there's a reward in it. If you're always responding to criticism, then you're not responding to Jesus, and it may be a good time to move on.

Those are just three examples (I think there are many more) of good reasons why it may be time to transition out your ministry. There's no doubt that a youth pastor should move on if he or she is discontent, operating outside the mission of the church, is bitter or divisive, or has fallen away from Christ; if this is the case, then they should repent of those sins, ask for forgiveness, and move on so that the ministry can heal. But there are also really good reasons for making a transition.

Just a thought! Thanks for your ministry to youth pastors!!

Steve Randall, Youth Pastor
Westkirk Presbyterian Church
Urbandale, IA

I have been thinking about leaving a lot lately. I have been struggling to enjoy youth ministy. I have been here for 4 years and there was some great times. But now it seems like I am going through one problem after another. Mostly that people are trying to get me fired and get me kicked out of church and its not just me its the whole staff. So leaving seems like a good thing to do but I just don't know. I have been praying like crazy and there is no peace either way. Anyone have any advice.

I think it should be made clear that we don't ever leave the ministry. Now I am not saying we have to maintain the same specific job for our existence here on Earth. We may need to move on or do something else we are called to do. What needs to be made clear is we don't ever retire from serving our God. I have seen some people get burned out, because they are the only one or they had a falling out of sorts and then just give up on what He has called on them to do. I hate to see that happen. He called you for a reason. Even if you are stepping down find a new path. There is plenty of things and lost people to reach.