A Cup of Coffee… for a Jr. Higher??

You see it in Fellowship Halls across the country…adults connecting with each other, with a little Styrofoam cup in their hand. The proverbial cup of joe, where adults begin a conversation.  Sometimes it goes somewhere deep, other times not so much.

Even college & high school students love the coffee, right?   Starbucks knows it! And yet Howard Schultz said “We’re in the business of human connection,” even though it might look like they’re just in the coffee business.

But I work with junior highers every week–and it’d be just plain weird to say, “Hey, do you want to get a cup of coffee?”  And yet, connection is just as important in ministry with middle schoolers. So it got me thinking about whether there’s a middle school equivalent of a cup of coffee!

A lot of weekends, I carry a football around our middle school ministry area (which is a gym). It might look like I’m just messing around, but when a kid walks into the room (even someone I’ve not met before), if I hold the ball up and look their direction, they see an invitation to make a catch. In no time, we’re in a conversation. Hah–better than Starbucks!

Of course, these invitations to connection have some parameters:

1- What works for guys & girls is often (but not always) DIFFERENT.  More guys than girls will take me up on an invitation to catch a football.  Although some girls love it, and some guys hate it!   And I laughed when someone said we should put up a “craft table”… but I was so wrong. Our girls LOVE it; lots of connections going on around that table. (Some of the dudes hang out there, too…though it might be just to pester the girls)

2- Make TIME for this kind of connection. If you walked into our jr. high ministry, you might feel like we’re “wasting” the first 15 minutes of the gathering. But it’s on purpose! We’re building in time for middle schoolers and leaders to connect, instead of launching right into an agenda right away.

3- Be prepared to hold up more than your share of the conversation… and train volunteers to do the same! There’s a certain degree of “mutuality” in adult connections, right  I ask you how your week was—then you ask me about mine. But not so much with middle schoolers! They’re often content with you asking all the questions…so be prepared with some junior high friendly inquiries.  Even the most introverted are often willing to talk, when they know you’re interested!

Connecting with jr. highers IS possible. And who knows...by Christmas time, you may have done it so well that their mom gives you a giftcard to Starbucks as a thank you. 

Scott Rubin is the junior high pastor at Willow Creek Church near Chicago, and is in his 12^th season as the leader of Elevate.  He tweets a moderate amount @Scott_Rubin, and also blogs with Kurt Johnston at juniorhighministry.com.