Succeeding as a Stepparent

The Stepfamily Foundation says:

• More people are part of second marriages than first marriages


• 35 percent of American children now live in stepfamilies


• 60 percent of all second marriages fail

No wonder being a good stepparent of a junior higher takes work. Use these tips to smooth your step-relationship with a junior higher:

• Respect your junior higher's need for independence. Just when parents are forming a new family a teenager may want to break free. Parents may pressure junior highers to fit into a new family assuming they're as excited as the parents are about the new marriage.


• Allow time for friendships to develop. Be a friend by respecting your stepson's or stepdaughter's opinions. One remarried parent says: "My 14-year-old daughter won't accept her stepfather's authority. If he doesn't wholeheartedly approve of something she does she interprets his comments as negative. But from her natural father she sees criticism as caring."


• Communicate with your spouse. "Constant and open communication between partners about the children is essential," says Claire Berman in her book Making It as Stepparent. Present a united front. "When junior highers sense there is a disagreement they'll play one parent against the other. This is especially true in the stepfamily in which youngsters believe they have something important to gain by undermining the role and the authority of the non-parent," says Berman.

When a junior higher becomes part of a blended family, loving relationships can develop. But it takes time.