True Conversations from Intern Island: Fight, Bleed and Die

“Just let it go.”

 

“What?? No WAY! That needs to be addressed! This shouldn’t be happening!”

 

“You’re right, it shouldn’t. But you have to know which hills you’re willing to fight, bleed, and die over.”

 

And, thus begins another conversation on Intern Island. And now for full disclosure: This was a conversation between me and my senior pastor about 20 years ago. Little did I know that it would be on my top ten list of the sagest advice I would ever receive.

 

When I was a younger (much younger!) youth pastor, I thought everything that mattered to me should matter to everyone else. And when it didn’t, I was all-too-ready to help them see why it was so important to get on board with The Truth. Truth is, we’re all shaped differently—we all have different passions and we all have different ideals. Sometimes those are worth dying for—and sometimes not.

 

So how do you discern the difference, intern?

 

You might fight over things that are important, but in the grand scheme of things could be easily passed over. 

 

Example: I already scheduled the student event in the gym on that date; why did I get bumped for a senior adult fellowship? In the grand scheme of things it’s important to mention, but not much else. Have your event somewhere else; be a hero to the senior adults; let someone know that the students deserve a place on the calendar and move on.

 

Fighting is merely pointing it out so it’s not missed, and then moving on. So your question is why even point it out if you know you’re just going to move on anyway? Good question: Because this isn’t something to bleed over, but it is a point of education for the people surrounding your ministry. If you just move on and never say anything, they never even have the opportunity to catch a vision for where your ministry is heading. They’ll continue to live in dysfunction and create issues in the ministry down the line—possibly never even knowing they’re doing so.

These issues are worthy of a few scrapes and bruises. They’re important enough that people could miss the whole point of Jesus if you don’t stand firm.

 

Example: We’re not going to kick this kid out of the youth ministry just because church parents are uncomfortable sending their kids to church because he has gauges in his ears. Take a hit for the kid. It’s a well-deserved black eye to teach people about grace, forgiveness, and standing in for the underdog.

 

FIGHT, BLEED issues are issues you’d be willing to go toe-to-toe on—draw a pretty firm line in the sand, and maybe even take a reputational hit.

 

Fighting and bleeding is standing in the gap for something that has eternal significance. It matters—it matters big—and you can’t just walk away from it. Just remember, unattended bleeding can result in dying. Sometimes we face issues that we’re willing to fight and bleed for. But after the fight is over, we forget to bind our wounds and the wounds of those we were fighting with. The uncontrolled bleeders eventually become our demise.

 

These are the big ones. These will probably be few and far between, but they’re the issues you’re willing to go to the mat on…lose your job over…walk away from security because of.

 

Example: The senior pastor has just preached a sermon in which he stated that the new word in the church for virginity is un-married. Virginity is an outdated virtue. It’s pretty clear that Mary wasn’t a virgin when Jesus was conceived—just “unmarried.” (Yes, true story—NOT the pastor who gave me the sage advice!)

 

FIGHT, BLEED, AND DIE issues are those issues that find their deepest place in your heart and soul—issues of holiness, integrity, and righteousness. For me, these issues usually arise in conjunction with Biblical stance or ethical behavior (or the lack thereof). If someone on staff is engaged in immoral, illegal, or unbiblical behavior, and leadership is not challenging it, someone has to be the voice of holiness. 

 

Here’s the deal: If we fight, bleed, and die over every issue, when the big ones come up, people aren’t listening anymore. The more you talk, the less people listen.

 

If you throw “all-in” only on those issues that matter most, then when you speak your heart, people will listen. But if you run all over the place fighting over every little thing—making a federal case out of calendars, space, hats in church—then when it comes time to address the big issues everyone’s seen that fight so they’re changing the channel, and you’re too tired to win the most important match of the season.

 

Seriously, ask my friends (or my current senior pastor who’s seen me at my best AND worst) this lesson took me a long time to learn. I left a lot of damage in my wake and undid some good ministry by choosing the wrong battles.

 

Choose which hills you’ll fight, bleed, and die on—they aren’t all worth the blood loss.

 

Join us for our final episode of True Conversations on Intern Island: Leaders are Learners (yes, I stole it from Doug Fields).