why you can't afford to REACT to criticism

Both of us have received a lot of criticism in ministry over the years. I (Doug) have been criticized more than Matt but that’s only because I’m a lot older and being doing ministry a lot longer. We often laugh with one another at how different we are in our response/reaction to criticism. I (Doug) would prefer to avoid and hope the noise goes away. While, I (Matt) would prefer to fight and prove that I’m right.

By nature, I (Matt) am passionate and care deeply. I’m also very opinionated and vocal. Everyone in the room knows how I feel and what I’m thinking. If there were the spiritual gift of CRUSADER, I’d have it.

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99 Thoughts on Leading Well: WORK SMARTER NOT HARDER
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Good things come from the way God wired me: I’m committed, work hard, and communicate clearly. I wish that when it came to criticism I could reflect these same qualities (and, quite frankly, so does Doug)! So, when I’m criticized, I’m quick to react (too quick to react)… and it’s not pretty. I will argue about a conviction that borders on being condescending. My tone communicates that the person who criticized me is an idiot (i.e. “You really disagree? You’ve actually engaged your brain for a second and that’s what you’ve come up with? Really?”)

Doug is constantly telling me, “Matt, you have to pick your hills to die on.” I say, “I pick them all because I’m not the one who dies.” Doug sighs at my foolishness and I continue to make a commitment to change

Here’s what we know to be true for both of us: criticism hurts, but the pain is multiplied when we handle it poorly. We talked about some truths that we’ve both learned over the years when we react to criticism too quickly instead of responding with wisdom--here’s what we’ve learned:

We miss out on gaining a new perspective that could be helpful.
Impulsiveness is the enemy of understanding. Quick reactions cut corners on listening to others’ point of view. Because the criticism brings pain, a quick response that is intended to numb our pain becomes more important than learning something about ourselves. While there may be truth behind the sting… it’s unheard when we quickly react.

We prolong the pain.
When we react to the pain, it may feel good in the moment, but it usually delays the healing process. A quick, over-reaction keeps us from asking, “God, even though this hurts, what might you have for me in this situation?”

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99 Thoughts on Leading Well: WORK SMARTER NOT HARDER
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We miss an opportunity for influence.
If a critic isn’t heard by you, he/she probably won’t listen to your reaction either (although, let’s be honest, even when a critic is heard they still may not listen). Quick reactions drastically reduce your chance to influence the critic. On the other hand, when you take the time to listen and respond with wisdom, you might be able to squeeze some truth and influence a critic’s heart.

We loose credibility.
Just about every church is a fertile garden for gossip. The church environment somehow empowers the critic to more freely squawk to those who will listen (and there’s always someone in the congregation willing to listen). When critics are ignored or hurt by a angry reaction, fuel is added to the fire, and you can guarantee the critic will become louder and find new listeners to poison.

We miss direct feedback.
If you get a reputation for being someone who reacts to criticism (as opposed to carefully respond) chances are high that people in your ministry will distant their opinions from you. The problem with their fearful silence is that every leader must get feedback from others to lead well. Reacting to criticism will cut you off from this necessary leadership resource. Honest feedback is what keeps us  from becoming the Emperor with No Clothes.


No one wins when a leader quickly reacts to criticism. These are just a few of the consequences we’ve experienced. What about you? Sound off in the comments below.